Yesterday, Bean had an awesome time at her friends birthday party. Gary, Wix, Bunny and Honey went and ran errands while she was at the party. Then they picked her up and Gary took everyone bowling. Bunny got 2 strikes!!! and bowled one handed!!
Go Bunny
Monday, July 13, 2009
Morning Rush
I roll over the alarm clock says 6:30am, I'm thinking cool I have at least another 45m to sleep. 15m goes by I have already fallen back to sleep, the house phone rings. Immediatly I am thinking I have overslept it's Bunny's school calling etc. No its about quarter of 7 and the DENTIST OFFICE IS CALLING ME...I guess I have an appointment tomorrow for a teeth cleaning...they want to know if I want to come in today...but they want to know NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At 6:45am....INTENSE. Gary answered and says half awake oh....ummmm...can I call back in 5m. They respond actually you have to call back in 2m or we will give the slot to someone else....WOW. I am totally not making this up! So he starts laughing and says Ok, 2m it is. He gets off the phone and we both started cracking up, WTF. So we decide to go this morning because I have made plans for tomorrow.
I roll over, tell Gary to cover his ears and YELL for Bunny to get up and get dressed...she hears me from downstairs in my bedroom :)- Then all of a sudden its almost twenty of 8. Now it's full on rush mode because her bus comes at not 8am, but 7:55am. So we are just getting her wolf coif into a managable ponytail when I hear the 'toot-toot' of a tart-cart. It's not 7:55, its 7:45, I need my 10m. So we tell the driver, sorry not ready, 10m early...wait. So she waits for about 8m then she drives off just as we are walking towards the front door. I tell Gary you call the Bus Company because I always get into a fight with MICHELLE. He calls, like clockwork, Michelle answers, she's her regular perky self, she can't handle our family so she transfers him to her supervisor. Who then tells us the bus is coming back around, as they are pulling up, but then attempts to, god bless him, explain the complexities of the bus route, timing, and the weekly sched etc. As the bus is now sitting there waiting...now running late because this nice man will not let my husband get off the phone. Finally Bunny gets on the bus...we all sit down and eat breakfast, Gary, Wix, Bean and I to sit and OOooooOOOh and AaaaAAAhhh over Honey clapping, making faces and smiling. Good Morning- I hope I don't have new cavaties!!
I roll over, tell Gary to cover his ears and YELL for Bunny to get up and get dressed...she hears me from downstairs in my bedroom :)- Then all of a sudden its almost twenty of 8. Now it's full on rush mode because her bus comes at not 8am, but 7:55am. So we are just getting her wolf coif into a managable ponytail when I hear the 'toot-toot' of a tart-cart. It's not 7:55, its 7:45, I need my 10m. So we tell the driver, sorry not ready, 10m early...wait. So she waits for about 8m then she drives off just as we are walking towards the front door. I tell Gary you call the Bus Company because I always get into a fight with MICHELLE. He calls, like clockwork, Michelle answers, she's her regular perky self, she can't handle our family so she transfers him to her supervisor. Who then tells us the bus is coming back around, as they are pulling up, but then attempts to, god bless him, explain the complexities of the bus route, timing, and the weekly sched etc. As the bus is now sitting there waiting...now running late because this nice man will not let my husband get off the phone. Finally Bunny gets on the bus...we all sit down and eat breakfast, Gary, Wix, Bean and I to sit and OOooooOOOh and AaaaAAAhhh over Honey clapping, making faces and smiling. Good Morning- I hope I don't have new cavaties!!
I aced my test
I got a 97.5 on my philosophy test!!
Even though it's an online summer course, the test is timed, so theoretically you could flip through the book to get your answers but its 155 pages worth of materials- so you really can't! Now I know why my eye was twitching again because I had only 6 days to read and understand the material, write two 1.5 page reactions to chapter 1 & 2, plus respond to other people's postings. It couldn't just be a awesome post, I had to agree or disagree w/ proof & argument. I am just really really proud of myself. I have 4 more weeks and then I'm done, philosophy goodbye-
Even though it's an online summer course, the test is timed, so theoretically you could flip through the book to get your answers but its 155 pages worth of materials- so you really can't! Now I know why my eye was twitching again because I had only 6 days to read and understand the material, write two 1.5 page reactions to chapter 1 & 2, plus respond to other people's postings. It couldn't just be a awesome post, I had to agree or disagree w/ proof & argument. I am just really really proud of myself. I have 4 more weeks and then I'm done, philosophy goodbye-
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The troops have moved...
Bean is at a b-day party. Gary is taking Bunny and Honey bowling w/ Uncle Wix. hmmmm...should be interesting. I finished my online test for class and am going to dominate the TV downstairs-
Today's thoughts
So my mom-cation is still going strong. I am having NO problem squelching my urge to make dinner, clean, or taking the kids out to blow off steam. It was so easy being the person who ignores the baby crying at 1:45am this morning!! It was nice to get up, take a shower, eat breakfast and then come upstairs to my 'office' and do my school work. WITHOUT ANYONE BOTHERING ME. I will admit I did tend to the bacon on the stove this morning for two reasons: 1) I can't eat burnt bacon 2) It's a mortal sin to burn bacon, it is SO expensive!
So then I started wondering is this what its like to be a man? or a Dad? I don't want to generalize because I know there are all types of personalities out there. Classically speaking men were to not be bothered when they came home from work, got to shower alone, get up alone, get their work done, not make dinner, not clean, not deal with little crying babies. One would think in such a modern era these types of men would have been completly exorcised from our society and families, since they serve no common purpose. The only purpose they do serve is to undermine what a real man (or dad) is....With that being said my husband is not perfect and he has come from the land of Neanderthal, to now have been house-broken properly, like all straight men with 1950s ideals need to be! Now to the point, a real Dad is simply an enlightened 'real' man. So what is a 'real' man? Confidence. With confidence there is no need to control a women, with confidence there is no need to cheat because there are no insecurities, with confidence there is no need to hide your feelings because you do not care what others might think, there is no need to lie because you believe in your actions. Belief in your actions would provide no need to argue or defend because if you have done something wrong it was unintentional. A wrong would just need a simple 'I'm sorry'. If you translate this into fatherhood it would be the basis for tea parties, bras, periods, bullies, boyfriends (girlfriends), losing, winning. You would pass on this sense of confidence to your children too!
Beyond all the other mind bending things I am trying to do this weekend I feel like there is something I can glean from this. Maybe I should let my kids 'go' a little bit more. I watch how Gary interacts with them...
"Make your own sandwhich...I'll watch", "Get yourself dressed...that's what your wearing...awesome, let's wear flip-flops with socks together", "Let's take the dinner dishes off the table the next morning before breakfast", "Let's have eggo waffles with bacon", "I'm going to leave the kids in the house entertained and go outside on the patio and play with my phone", "What mess?", "What laundry...we have clean towels", "Nice birthday card, Your me best friend, good spelling...Your me best friend too".
"I have to take Bean to a birthday party, then run everyone to bowling, then run back to get Bean, too much running around!". This is the most important comment...of course I told him you can't back out on Bunny now and I want the house to myself this afternoon. In general though why does he have to take Bean to this party and then stick out bowling? That is too much running around jam-packed into 2 hours. Although my brother is with him helping him out, it is still a glimpse into the perils of being a mom.
Do I have to run around like that? Why do I feel compelled to? What am I trying to achieve? Or am I trying to prove something to myself?
sometimes I have to run around like that, those crazy therapy days. Other times I dont'. I see other mom's running around keeping so busy I think what am I doing wrong? Is that how it's really supposed to be done? Are their kids happier than mine? etc etc etc! No where in there do we say Am I happy running around like this today? Am I happy?
So then I started wondering is this what its like to be a man? or a Dad? I don't want to generalize because I know there are all types of personalities out there. Classically speaking men were to not be bothered when they came home from work, got to shower alone, get up alone, get their work done, not make dinner, not clean, not deal with little crying babies. One would think in such a modern era these types of men would have been completly exorcised from our society and families, since they serve no common purpose. The only purpose they do serve is to undermine what a real man (or dad) is....With that being said my husband is not perfect and he has come from the land of Neanderthal, to now have been house-broken properly, like all straight men with 1950s ideals need to be! Now to the point, a real Dad is simply an enlightened 'real' man. So what is a 'real' man? Confidence. With confidence there is no need to control a women, with confidence there is no need to cheat because there are no insecurities, with confidence there is no need to hide your feelings because you do not care what others might think, there is no need to lie because you believe in your actions. Belief in your actions would provide no need to argue or defend because if you have done something wrong it was unintentional. A wrong would just need a simple 'I'm sorry'. If you translate this into fatherhood it would be the basis for tea parties, bras, periods, bullies, boyfriends (girlfriends), losing, winning. You would pass on this sense of confidence to your children too!
Beyond all the other mind bending things I am trying to do this weekend I feel like there is something I can glean from this. Maybe I should let my kids 'go' a little bit more. I watch how Gary interacts with them...
"Make your own sandwhich...I'll watch", "Get yourself dressed...that's what your wearing...awesome, let's wear flip-flops with socks together", "Let's take the dinner dishes off the table the next morning before breakfast", "Let's have eggo waffles with bacon", "I'm going to leave the kids in the house entertained and go outside on the patio and play with my phone", "What mess?", "What laundry...we have clean towels", "Nice birthday card, Your me best friend, good spelling...Your me best friend too".
"I have to take Bean to a birthday party, then run everyone to bowling, then run back to get Bean, too much running around!". This is the most important comment...of course I told him you can't back out on Bunny now and I want the house to myself this afternoon. In general though why does he have to take Bean to this party and then stick out bowling? That is too much running around jam-packed into 2 hours. Although my brother is with him helping him out, it is still a glimpse into the perils of being a mom.
Do I have to run around like that? Why do I feel compelled to? What am I trying to achieve? Or am I trying to prove something to myself?
sometimes I have to run around like that, those crazy therapy days. Other times I dont'. I see other mom's running around keeping so busy I think what am I doing wrong? Is that how it's really supposed to be done? Are their kids happier than mine? etc etc etc! No where in there do we say Am I happy running around like this today? Am I happy?
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Where does crazy go to have a good time?
My summer class started, online, I love technology! It allows me to do so many more things at once than a normal person would do, wondering where my jet pack is though? Anyone??
How fitting I am taking philosophy, so I can philoso-thize my feelings this month about disability, God, marriage, kids, societal debates and possibly become further unglued prior to the fall semester. But philoso-thizing is not to be confused with thera-pizing.
This is a term I save for special days...the days that my husband and I have been to counseling, Bunny has had 2 therapy sessions, Honey has had a SLP session (trust me up until school got out this was about 1-2x a week).
Also add Box C (choose one & apply/ if you choose two please barricade family into panic room)
PPT, Team Meeting, DCF Voluntary Services, insurance squabble, deciphering testing, receiving a new diagnosis.
Choose (choose one and apply/ if choosing two we advise your husband apply for witness protection)
Fight w/my husband, my home is a complete mess, no idea about dinner w/ nothing defrosted, not clean towels.
Please check if applies:
__PMS
(you have gone plaid, system malfunction, terminator reset)
Then I upgrade the meal to a special drink package,
(Fine Print: PPT's always include a bath with a cocktail).
It's like the champagne and strawberry package from the hotel!!!
I slump down on the couch and say "Now that everyone has been thera-pized I can relax..."
More often than not this is misinterpreted as a question, sometimes I even feel like I am asking, although I always mean to make it into a statement.
They should have disabled mom packages at hotels. Hotel packages STINK stay overnight, luxurious accommodations, 1 spa treatment, complimentary breakfast, then get out...$900.
A perfect disabled mom package would read-
We know you need sometime away to recharge your batteries to continue fighting the good fight against discrimination...so come to Crazy Mom Resort the 5 nights/ 6 days suite stay includes 3 meals a day (breakfast in bed) w/ desserts & snacks, up to 3 spa treatments a day, tuck-in/ turn-down service, private butler & personal assistant (honestly we know your husband can not handle it at home!!), free drinks (optional coconut), private Q&A session with premier pediatric therapist of choice or MD. , beautiful weather, complimentary 1st class airfare, complimentary snorkeling.
To further personalize your package tell us who you were prior to having that disabled child and we will bring in our specialists to get a pulse on that identity!!
Also new this year tell us the year you started having children and we will stock our private movie theater with titles you surely missed...because we know you can't go to the movies, also enjoy LOUD fireworks EVERY NIGHT! We'll even ship in your friends (sorry no family allowed), by brute force if needed, to give you that night out w/ your friends.
Crazy mom resort, where the crazies go for a crazy good time (super skinny women smiling w/ thumbs up on a beach). I wanna go!!!!
Total: $1,000 (see our financial aide department)
How fitting I am taking philosophy, so I can philoso-thize my feelings this month about disability, God, marriage, kids, societal debates and possibly become further unglued prior to the fall semester. But philoso-thizing is not to be confused with thera-pizing.
This is a term I save for special days...the days that my husband and I have been to counseling, Bunny has had 2 therapy sessions, Honey has had a SLP session (trust me up until school got out this was about 1-2x a week).
Also add Box C (choose one & apply/ if you choose two please barricade family into panic room)
PPT, Team Meeting, DCF Voluntary Services, insurance squabble, deciphering testing, receiving a new diagnosis.
Choose (choose one and apply/ if choosing two we advise your husband apply for witness protection)
Fight w/my husband, my home is a complete mess, no idea about dinner w/ nothing defrosted, not clean towels.
Please check if applies:
__PMS
(you have gone plaid, system malfunction, terminator reset)
Then I upgrade the meal to a special drink package,
(Fine Print: PPT's always include a bath with a cocktail).
It's like the champagne and strawberry package from the hotel!!!
I slump down on the couch and say "Now that everyone has been thera-pized I can relax..."
More often than not this is misinterpreted as a question, sometimes I even feel like I am asking, although I always mean to make it into a statement.
They should have disabled mom packages at hotels. Hotel packages STINK stay overnight, luxurious accommodations, 1 spa treatment, complimentary breakfast, then get out...$900.
A perfect disabled mom package would read-
We know you need sometime away to recharge your batteries to continue fighting the good fight against discrimination...so come to Crazy Mom Resort the 5 nights/ 6 days suite stay includes 3 meals a day (breakfast in bed) w/ desserts & snacks, up to 3 spa treatments a day, tuck-in/ turn-down service, private butler & personal assistant (honestly we know your husband can not handle it at home!!), free drinks (optional coconut), private Q&A session with premier pediatric therapist of choice or MD. , beautiful weather, complimentary 1st class airfare, complimentary snorkeling.
To further personalize your package tell us who you were prior to having that disabled child and we will bring in our specialists to get a pulse on that identity!!
Also new this year tell us the year you started having children and we will stock our private movie theater with titles you surely missed...because we know you can't go to the movies, also enjoy LOUD fireworks EVERY NIGHT! We'll even ship in your friends (sorry no family allowed), by brute force if needed, to give you that night out w/ your friends.
Crazy mom resort, where the crazies go for a crazy good time
Total: $1,000 (see our financial aide department)
Monday, July 6, 2009
Good Day
Today has been a good day, Bunny started maintenance school. Bean and I actually got almost 4 hours alone together to bond. We should have gone outside I suppose but we opted to stay inside and watch the Secret Garden and two episodes of What Not To Wear. I didn't feel so guilty because we went to the playground last night & for a walk.
Bunny also made great strides w/ her Dysphagia today she 'finished' her feeding therapy at the Ahlbin Center. I was so proud of her she has come a long way!!! Although its not the end of her feeding therapy altogether. She will be getting it now through her regular speech therapist, 1x a week. Also her behaviorist provides some strategy in the programming. That coupled with the mandatory mouth brushes/tools used in accordance with her IEP for school based speech therapy & the creation of her behavior program (mostly sensory based), it's so far from over! Still we completed one leg of our journey today :)
As far as I go, last night was rough for me because I realized how far we have to go still (after the fireworks episode). Emotions are hard to decipher when you have not digested the magnitude of how bad things had been. The only way I can explain my feelings is like constantly veils are being lifted off of me face, enabling me to see. It is hard when these veils are lifted because it rocks your world, your whole way of thinking, living, processing, simply existing has to change and you have to reflect on what fits now. I can be very wrong but I do not think a lot of parents/ people have to confront & navigate emotional earthquakes on a daily basis. I am not one to live in a bubble but sometimes we do. For me sometimes ignorance is bliss! What keeps me going is that I can see progress in everything she does. The power of knowing allows me to help, even if it just means that I am supportive or I just simply drive her to another appointment. I am dogged by questions is she the best she can be? is this the best? How will I know? I won't know. I have realized that it is important to not work with your head down, you have to be ready for the rules to change & to realize how much you have accomplished.
I honestly want a release. I need a judge to tell me that my child can not have this, I need a higher power to tell me to STOP, no sense, you will never win this. I need to know where to put my focus and energy. I need to scout out every lead, try to open every door, bulldoze people, brown nose people, yell, cry, kick and scream because I love her.
Bunny also made great strides w/ her Dysphagia today she 'finished' her feeding therapy at the Ahlbin Center. I was so proud of her she has come a long way!!! Although its not the end of her feeding therapy altogether. She will be getting it now through her regular speech therapist, 1x a week. Also her behaviorist provides some strategy in the programming. That coupled with the mandatory mouth brushes/tools used in accordance with her IEP for school based speech therapy & the creation of her behavior program (mostly sensory based), it's so far from over! Still we completed one leg of our journey today :)
As far as I go, last night was rough for me because I realized how far we have to go still (after the fireworks episode). Emotions are hard to decipher when you have not digested the magnitude of how bad things had been. The only way I can explain my feelings is like constantly veils are being lifted off of me face, enabling me to see. It is hard when these veils are lifted because it rocks your world, your whole way of thinking, living, processing, simply existing has to change and you have to reflect on what fits now. I can be very wrong but I do not think a lot of parents/ people have to confront & navigate emotional earthquakes on a daily basis. I am not one to live in a bubble but sometimes we do. For me sometimes ignorance is bliss! What keeps me going is that I can see progress in everything she does. The power of knowing allows me to help, even if it just means that I am supportive or I just simply drive her to another appointment. I am dogged by questions is she the best she can be? is this the best? How will I know? I won't know. I have realized that it is important to not work with your head down, you have to be ready for the rules to change & to realize how much you have accomplished.
I honestly want a release. I need a judge to tell me that my child can not have this, I need a higher power to tell me to STOP, no sense, you will never win this. I need to know where to put my focus and energy. I need to scout out every lead, try to open every door, bulldoze people, brown nose people, yell, cry, kick and scream because I love her.
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