Today's thoughts

So my mom-cation is still going strong. I am having NO problem squelching my urge to make dinner, clean, or taking the kids out to blow off steam. It was so easy being the person who ignores the baby crying at 1:45am this morning!! It was nice to get up, take a shower, eat breakfast and then come upstairs to my 'office' and do my school work. WITHOUT ANYONE BOTHERING ME. I will admit I did tend to the bacon on the stove this morning for two reasons: 1) I can't eat burnt bacon 2) It's a mortal sin to burn bacon, it is SO expensive!

So then I started wondering is this what its like to be a man? or a Dad? I don't want to generalize because I know there are all types of personalities out there. Classically speaking men were to not be bothered when they came home from work, got to shower alone, get up alone, get their work done, not make dinner, not clean, not deal with little crying babies. One would think in such a modern era these types of men would have been completly exorcised from our society and families, since they serve no common purpose. The only purpose they do serve is to undermine what a real man (or dad) is....With that being said my husband is not perfect and he has come from the land of Neanderthal, to now have been house-broken properly, like all straight men with 1950s ideals need to be! Now to the point, a real Dad is simply an enlightened 'real' man. So what is a 'real' man? Confidence. With confidence there is no need to control a women, with confidence there is no need to cheat because there are no insecurities, with confidence there is no need to hide your feelings because you do not care what others might think, there is no need to lie because you believe in your actions. Belief in your actions would provide no need to argue or defend because if you have done something wrong it was unintentional. A wrong would just need a simple 'I'm sorry'. If you translate this into fatherhood it would be the basis for tea parties, bras, periods, bullies, boyfriends (girlfriends), losing, winning. You would pass on this sense of confidence to your children too!

Beyond all the other mind bending things I am trying to do this weekend I feel like there is something I can glean from this. Maybe I should let my kids 'go' a little bit more. I watch how Gary interacts with them...
"Make your own sandwhich...I'll watch", "Get yourself dressed...that's what your wearing...awesome, let's wear flip-flops with socks together", "Let's take the dinner dishes off the table the next morning before breakfast", "Let's have eggo waffles with bacon", "I'm going to leave the kids in the house entertained and go outside on the patio and play with my phone", "What mess?", "What laundry...we have clean towels", "Nice birthday card, Your me best friend, good spelling...Your me best friend too".

"I have to take Bean to a birthday party, then run everyone to bowling, then run back to get Bean, too much running around!". This is the most important comment...of course I told him you can't back out on Bunny now and I want the house to myself this afternoon. In general though why does he have to take Bean to this party and then stick out bowling? That is too much running around jam-packed into 2 hours. Although my brother is with him helping him out, it is still a glimpse into the perils of being a mom.
Do I have to run around like that? Why do I feel compelled to? What am I trying to achieve? Or am I trying to prove something to myself?
sometimes I have to run around like that, those crazy therapy days. Other times I dont'. I see other mom's running around keeping so busy I think what am I doing wrong? Is that how it's really supposed to be done? Are their kids happier than mine? etc etc etc! No where in there do we say Am I happy running around like this today? Am I happy?